12 Nov What Is Mindful Self-Compassion?
Learning to Have Your Own Back
Let me be honest — I didn’t learn self-compassion from a book or a workshop first. I learned it after running myself into the ground.
There was a time when no achievement felt good long enough. I’d finish something important and, instead of feeling proud, I’d immediately hear:
“Okay… what next?”
Or worse — “You could’ve done better.”
Maybe you know that feeling too. That constant hum in the background — like there’s someone living in your mind holding a clipboard and circling every tiny mistake with a red pen.
I didn’t think anything was wrong with it. I thought it meant I was “disciplined.”
Then one day I realised I wasn’t being driven — I was being chased.
Big difference.
So What Even Is Mindful Self-Compassion?
Here’s how I make sense of it now:
Self-compassion is treating yourself like someone you actually care about — especially on the days you’d rather crawl under a blanket and hide from the world.
It’s not sugar-coating life or pretending everything is fine.
And it’s definitely not letting yourself off the hook.
It’s more like saying:
“Okay, this hurts. I didn’t get it right today. I’m still learning. Let’s take a breath and try again.”
Three pieces helped it click for me (thanks to Dr. Kristin Neff’s work, which is worth exploring when you have the space):
- Be kind to yourself even when your brain wants to go full drill-sergeant
- Remember you’re not the only one struggling — you’re human, not a machine
- Notice what you feel without wrestling it to the ground
That’s it. Simple idea — strangely difficult in real life.
Letting Yourself Feel What You Feel (Without the Drama Spiral)
When something painful shows up — doubt, embarrassment, frustration — my instinct used to be to either fix it instantly or shove it aside and “power through.”
Now? Most days, I try something different:
I just sit with it.
Sometimes that means staring out the window for a minute.
Sometimes it’s a hand on my chest and a slow breath.
Nothing fancy.
Just: “Yeah… this is tough. I don’t need to solve it right this second.”
It’s surprising how much strength shows up when you stop fighting your feelings like they’re enemies.
Speaking to Yourself Like a Friend (Not a Bully)
Imagine your closest friend came to you saying,
“I messed up. I feel awful.”
Would you say,
“Yeah, you should. Try harder.”
Of course not.
So why do we do it to ourselves?
Sometimes I literally whisper,
“You’re doing your best. It’s okay to be human.”
Feels weird at first.
Feels natural later.
Feels necessary now.
A Picture That Stuck With Me
Someone once told me to picture an aspen forest. Each tree looks separate, but underground they share one root system. When one tree struggles, the whole network helps support it.
It made sense to me.
My anxious moments, my tired days, the parts of me that doubt — they’re connected to the parts of me that are brave and steady.
Caring for one part strengthens the whole.
Try This Next Time Your Inner Critic Shows Up
Next time you hear that sharp voice inside saying you “should be better,” pause for a moment:
- Feel your feet on the ground
- Notice your breath
- Put a hand on your heart or arm if it helps
- Say something small like:
“This is hard. I’m doing what I can. I won’t abandon myself here.”
It doesn’t magically solve everything — but it softens the ground you’re standing on. And that matters.
You’re Allowed to Be On Your Own Team
You don’t need to “earn” kindness from yourself.
Being human is qualification enough.
If you want support while you learn this practice — and maybe untangle that inner critic that’s been running the show for years — we’re here for that at Still Waters Psychology.
You don’t have to figure it out alone.
No wellness slogans.
Just real work, at a human pace.
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