24 Nov The Comparison Trap — How to Help Your Athlete Stop Measuring Their Worth Against Others
I often tell my Calgary clients: comparison is the thief of confidence.
But for kids growing up in competitive sports, comparison is everywhere — in scores, rankings, highlights, and social media.
And it’s exhausting.
The Hidden Cost of Comparison
When athletes constantly measure themselves against others, their self-worth becomes fragile.
Their focus shifts from growth to proving.
They start thinking:
- “I’m only good if I’m better than someone else.”
- “If I don’t win, I’m falling behind.”
This mindset leads to chronic anxiety and burnout — and it robs kids of internal motivation.
What I See in Calgary Sports Culture
Calgary families are passionate. Parents drive, fund, and support their kids endlessly.
But in that environment, it’s easy for comparison to sneak in through well-meaning language:
“Look how hard she’s working.”
“Your teammate scored three goals.”
What kids actually hear is, “You’re not enough yet.”
A Story From My Practice
I once worked with an athlete who was constantly reviewing team stats and comparing himself to his teammates. In his games, he would play differently, more like the other players with more points. But he didn’t get better, he started making more mistakes and instead of learning from them got really stuck and hard on himself.
He told me, “I suck, I’m so bad.”
So we did something radical: a two-week “comparison detox.”
No stats, no external validation. I told him his strengths were in his unique skills and abilities and to go back to playing his game.
By week two, he said, “I forgot how much I love this game.” He made fewer mistakes and his skills improved.
When he stopped looking sideways, he could finally look forward.
How Parents Can Help
1️⃣ Celebrate individuality. “I love how creative you are when you play.”
2️⃣ Model self-acceptance. Don’t compare yourself to other parents or kids.
3️⃣ Redirect focus. Ask, “What did you learn today?” instead of “How did you rank?”
Final Thought
The only healthy comparison is who you were yesterday.
When kids measure success by growth, not position, they build unshakable confidence.
If comparison has taken over your home or team, our Calgary sport psychology team can help your child reconnect to their own path.
No Comments