18 Nov Play Is the Work: What Sports Really Teach Kids About Resilience
When parents tell me their child “just doesn’t seem to be having fun anymore,” I always pause before I answer.
Because I’ve heard that sentence hundreds of times in my Calgary practice, and what it usually means is: the spark has gone out of play.
But here’s what most people don’t realize — play isn’t the reward after the work. Play is the work.
It’s the training ground for emotional intelligence, flexibility, and confidence.
The Neuroscience of Play
When children play freely, their prefrontal cortex — the part of the brain responsible for decision-making, creativity, and emotional regulation — lights up like a Christmas tree.
Play gives kids a chance to experiment safely. They try, fail, recover, and try again.
When we over-structure everything, from practices to “fun time,” we unintentionally rob them of the space where confidence grows.
That’s why I’m such a big believer in what I call unstructured resilience building — letting kids explore, create, and make mistakes without judgment.
The Calgary Pressure Cooker
Calgary’s competitive youth-sports culture is vibrant and full of opportunity.
But it also comes with pressure.
Parents spend weekends at tournaments, evenings at practices, and thousands of dollars on equipment and travel.
It’s easy to start feeling like your child’s success — or happiness — reflects your parenting.
But here’s the hard truth: when adults turn play into performance, kids start associating self-worth with outcomes.
They stop playing for joy and start performing for approval.
What Play Really Teaches
When a child builds a fort, makes up a game, or laughs with teammates over a missed shot, they’re wiring their brain for:
- Creativity (“What if we tried it this way?”)
- Problem-solving (“That didn’t work, let’s try again.”)
- Regulation (“I’m frustrated, but I can keep going.”)
- Confidence (“I figured that out.”)
Play is emotional resilience in motion.
A Story From The Stands
Since he started playing baseball, my son would look back to the stands after every at bat, almost every swing. I was very aware from the beginning that he was watching our reactions. Were we afraid for him or confident he could handle what he was facing? Were we proud or disappointed? Even when we weren’t saying anything, the expression on our faces could change the tone of his game.
That’s when I realized — this wasn’t about baseball, It was about connection.
Children aren’t just reading the scoreboard. They’re reading our faces.
When parents are tense, anxious, or visibly disappointed, kids internalize that energy.
They stop experimenting. They play safe. And when kids play safe, they stop learning.
Reclaiming Joy Through Curiosity
As parents, one of the greatest gifts we can give our kids is the permission to explore — to play, to fail, to be messy, to laugh.
Ask questions that invite reflection instead of evaluation:
- “What was your favorite part?”
- “What did you learn today?”
- “What was fun?”
These kinds of questions re-wire how kids define success.
Closing Thoughts
If your child has lost the joy in sport, it’s not a reflection of failure — it’s a sign their nervous system needs a reset.
Fun isn’t frivolous. It’s foundational.
In my Calgary practice at Still Waters Psychology, I help families rediscover the joy and meaning behind sport.
Because the truth is — play doesn’t distract from growth.
Play is growth.
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